private and public

recently..
i keep setting my blog to private n public..
i juz dun want to let others to read my sad stuff..
n then affect ur mood.
i will open it back when everything is fine. including myself.
now i open it back..
so u guys can read wads happening on me.
well..
thats all..
nitez ppl

-engleong-

勇气

轻轻的你，犹如轻轻的风，带来了我沉重的心情，悲伤的思念。
受了伤的心，该如何复原。

是。
我是。
我是一个没有勇气的人。
一个没有勇气面对现实的人。

事实，告诉了你。
却不想面对。
哈哈
可笑。可耻。可悲。可怜。

我并不乞求，把所有事情告诉我。
但不要，对我那么狠心。 可以吗？
难道，那么久的感情，可以因为那梦想，而通通抹掉吗？
我并不知道，如果你不再爱我了。告诉我。好吗？
哭了。再次，哭了！T.T

狠下心，说再见，不容易，后流泪，才发现，爱不在，不重要，都放开，梦想路，你加油，我支持，到永远。

random

at my brother university now..
i totally gt ntg to do here as my brother having meeting right now..
wth man.. he left me in his hostel room..
luckily his university has wi-fi service..
otherwise, i definitely killed by the boredom here..
omg!! first time stay together with another guy who i dunno at all..
he is my brother roommate..
well.. he is nt my roommate.. i feel so paiseh when blogging infront of him..
i mean.. in front of someone who i dunno at all or we known them as strangers..
haha..

well.. gt ntg to do here.. so plan to blog a little bit about today..
since all of my frens include my classmates are all goin to ARP camp today..
my class onli left one person which is me!! so all the teachers planned nt to teach..
of cuz.. if teacher wanna teach me alone, i will say NO to them too..
wad for studying alone.. of cuz wait for my fren to continue the syllabus together..
i m nt that selfish lol~
perhaps i m lazy.. haha..
chatted with them at open hall from 9 til 11.. becuz some of the stupid ppl said they will depart at 9 bt ended up depart at 11 sumthing..
omg!! haha. bt nt bad oso la..
can chat for so long~ haha..
make a lot noise n fun..
y i always can joke in skul, bt nt at home..
i wonder if i can be a joker at home.
today things wont happen n my mood wont be ruined today!!

reached home at 5 sumthing..
sit at home i thought i can sit down quietly n rest for a moment..
suddenly, my mum started everything.. talk about me! gv up studies becuz of on9-ing, girs, frens, society!! n so on!!
i m so fed up! since when i gv up my studies..
form six is nt easy as wad u all think!! ok??
n i m nt smart!!
wad u expect me to do..
yea.. i know my marks is low for this time exam..
bt nt onli me ok?? everyone got low..

wad do u expect when the highest mark for maths T in our skul is 63 n i gt 57 which is the second highest..
wad do u expect when the highest marks for chemistry is 60+ oso when i gt 56 which is the third highest..
wad do u expect when the highest marks for bio is 72 wen i gt 71/72 which is the second or highest oso for this subject??

i cant manage to get all As for all the subjects.. i m nt smart!!
i am nt!
u said! when started f6 syllabus, u want me to change to maxwell, bt i say no! of cuz i say no when i have been study in VI for 5 years..
it isnt an easy thing for me to change the situation n study environment.. u know??
why dun u blame urself.. when i was form 1.. when i nvr get ready for my secondary skul..
i asked for shifting to maxwell.. why u say no!
this is so irritating..
t
then, my eldest brother came in n scolded me..
all the EXCUSES u say is juz for u to avoid prob..
u juz dun dare to accpet different study environment, u juz have no courage to try something new.. u dun dare to face the new faces in new skul!!
wad r u talking about?? do u think u relly understand me well.. i m nt that kind of person! k?
i wanted to stay in VI

1st! becuz i dun want to change skul environment.. is nt about i dun dare or wad.. is juz i dun want.. this is my choice n i will nt regret!
2nd! i have a smart fren study in VI too, y i wanna leave him.. if i stay in thr, n when i gt any prob about my studies, at least i gt someone to ask.. nt like u goin to teach me anything about my studies..
i have to work hard for myself..

ok, then i think its time for me to stop oepn up my mouth to fight back..
becuz i know if i dun stop, the war will still goes on n make things worst..
den, suddenly, eng hong is here.
then my eldest bro started to talk about his teacher's opinion on us..
ok.. she said i look so arrogant..
well.. ok.. i admit.. bt this is my look. how i going to change my look..
m i arrogant?? i will nvr show this face to my close frens. ok?
this is wad u see becuz u r nt close with me..
understand me more pls??
den his teacher talked about eng hong..
he doesnt agree with wad his teacher said.. den start fighting back..
the war continue again!!
its enuf for me.. i really cant stand for this..
everytime i saw brothers fighting or arguing..
i feel so damn sad..
i dunno.. bt it is really hurt..
i hide myself in my room.. of the light.. cover myself with a pillow..
try to sleep..
dun want to listen to wad they said..
i want my mood to be better..
i slept at last.. bt onli for one minutes..
den eng hong came in.. n ask me to go university with him..
n this is y i m here right now..

ok.. thats all for today.. when i was sleeping.. i thinking of this poem..
本是同根生，相煎何太急。

-engleong-

诗----叫珍惜

我转着手中的铅笔
看着空白的纸张
想起‘你’

我摇着坐着的篮椅
看着乌黑的天空，
用云朵模拟‘你’

我打从心中在想你
听者虫鸣的声音
呼唤‘你’

我是不是很侥幸
因为有了‘你’
才了解，
何谓情

直到你决定离我远去
我才知道，我有否存在于你心底
直到你决定想要放弃
我才知道，你根本不属于我
直到你让我伤透了心
我才知道，原来我不是很坚强而已
直到我真的放不下心
我才知道，没把你抓紧，是我最后悔的决定。

珍惜，眼前的人，永远的情义。

new song again

歌曲：就当爱
作词：陈泳甬

困在房里的我
一句话都不说
孤独躲在角落
无法控制的痛

冷风轻轻掠过
麻痹所有的痛
刺痛在我心中
抱你在我怀中 oh~

如果可以 我愿意 付出我一切
如果爱你 我相信 不再说抱歉
如果离开 才明白 爱已不存在
如果承受 了伤害 再也看不清未来

就当爱 在你我之间距离徘徊
不想被放弃感觉失败
因为我放不开

就当爱 让所有一切变成空白
时间一一过去都成了遗憾 已不在
经历的回忆 是否还存在

oh~~

因为爱你 不愿意 放弃了一切
因为相信 才决定 不再说抱歉
因为离开 才明白 你对我的爱
因为承受 过伤害 才不让你离开

就当爱 在你我之间距离徘徊
不想被放弃感觉失败
因为我放不开

就当爱 让所有一切变成空白
时间一一过去都成了遗憾 已不在
经历的回忆 是否还存在
我希望我们从来 不曾放开。。

a day i will nvr forget

in the morning..
i already i will not have appetite to eat..
so i sms-ed yee ling dun pack food for me..
haha.
then suddenly feel abit hungry during recess so buy something to eat..
i can nvr stop thinking about that.

Cool.
Emo.
Angry.
Disappointed.
are the above feeling having in u now?? i dunno y u treated me so cool these days.

Hurt.
Helpless.
Sigh.
Sad.
today is the first time i cry in skul becuz of this thing..
this is something that i dun want it to happen in my life..
i know the previous post that i published out definitely will affect us.
bt this is wad i dun want to happen too..
i wont want to tell u face to face
i dun want to see u emo..
i promised myself nt to make u emo. bt i keep broke my promise..
Cried.. for few minutes. den i control myself..
i cant cry. i dun want to let my friends to see their forever joker to cry..
i dun like to act happy in front of them when i m sad.

do u know that? everytime i tell u about my stress stuff n emo stuff i can feel so much better..
becuz when i m stress.. all i need is onli u.
bt i dunno that becuz of my stress and emoness.. will make u emo..
when u say u dun wan to think about it.. n even juz now..
when i talk about those thing.. u speechless..
i hold my feeling.. i wont show my sad face out.
i cant show my real feeling..
juz becuz i dun want others to worry about me.
i wan to be a tough ppl who can protect u as well.. like wad wern said.
bt nt a weak ppl who always cry behind n dunno wad to do.. easy to feel panic when something bad is happen..

i always try my best to change myself.
until today onli i know i m still standstill at the original position bt nvr move forward..

dear..
=( that i make u speechless juz now.
=( that i had made u emo for the past few days.
=( that i nvr think from ur side.
=( that becuz of my emoness, i made u moody too..

-engleong-

我不知道的事

原来，我什么都不懂。

我不知道，
我的情绪，会影响到你。

我不知道，
我的幼稚，会影响到你。

我不知道，
我的关心，会绑住了你。

我不知道，
我的固执，会让你生气。

我不知道，
我的妒忌，会让你无奈。

我不知道，
我的想法，会让你叹气。

我不知道。
但我现在，什么都知道了。
我会改。只需要你给的机会。

珍惜，眼前的人，永远的情。。。
=）

-engleong-

希望有一天

我愿意 去相信 你伪装的表情
直到你 不愿意 掩饰你自己
看不清 你说你 心里的风铃
一旦被风吹过以后便响起

再一次 看着彼此 眼泪不受控制
这一切 画的句点 又何必再眷恋
如果你 已经决定 跟随爱的感觉
一起走出我们曾拥有的世界

我希望真的有一天
让你紧靠在我的肩
与你共度的每一天
一一刻在我的心田
近近的贴着你的脸
画着你心中的想念
与你画出美丽句点
我想我们可以相见

我可以 陪着你 不让你哭泣
看着你 你的泪滴 伤透我的心
你给的 给的一切 是否该放弃
不再执著所以才能过得更清醒

我希望真的有一天
让你紧靠在我的肩
与你共度的每一天
一一刻在我的心田
近近的贴着你的脸
画着你心中的想念
与你画出美丽句点
我想我们可以相见

我希望真的有一天
与你不必再说抱歉
尽管有多么的狼狈
走处我们 的世界。

-end-

stress gonna run away from me after a week...

i skipped skul today juz to study at home..
funny ya! skip skul juz to study..
wad kind of theory n reason is this! haha
mayb i can study better in skul..
cuz my eldest brothe now making sound pollution...
he is singing K while i m studying..
oh gosh!!
i cant believe that i can tahan for so long.. still highlighting the PA points..
bt of cuz nt memorising it yet..
i really cant study now..
brain stuck!!!
i gonna fail my exam this time!!..
shuld i gv up or continue study?
of cuz if u know me well, i wont gv up so easily~~ >.<
played plants vs zombie when i feel really bored..
it finally wake me up from study this stupid PA..
i still left around 100 pages haven memorise ONLY!!
haha..
sound so arrogant, bt wad i mean is 'only' lol..

last saturday.. (16/10/10)
i always tried to blog about our dating.. becuz i hope i can note it down forever..
like wad william shakespear's aim for writing the SONNET 18..
early in the morning.. do housework as home as my mum ask me to do so..
finish everything in an hour i think.. i m superb pro in doin housework..
perhaps better than a girl i think? hahaha
well..
we already planned to go pavillion last week..
went out to find xintao together with kaizer.
went to maxwell first.. bt since they haven finish their chinese class..
so we waited for them outside their classroom.
departed at 12 sumthing..zun zen n pei wern went thr by foong chia's car..
meet there then~

reached pavillion, n wait for them at main entrance..
went wong kok after that to wait for clement n have some food cuz xintao n yen rhu nt eaten yet.
wthx la wern!! haha u know why i say thx?? oo.. too bad.. u wont understand.. haha
buy CHILD'S EYES ticket together with zun zen..

to zun zen <3: y r u always almost fall down when stand together with me a?? *at escalator*

haha.. funny lol~
went back to wong kok n clement reached..
we watch SAMMY's ADVENTURE.. dun worry clement.. is nt ghost movie..
i dunno that clement actually scare of ghost movie! haha
make us laugh out loud on spot..
hahaha..
dun scare.. many gor gor thr~~
ok.. the movie started at 2.05 bt we went in at 2.15 i think.. we were late a little bit..
the process of watching it is damn funny lol..
nt scary oso.. cuz ppl around me make me feel funny..
some of them wrapped themselves like ketupat on the chair.. *a girl who i dunno at all sit beside me..*
den someone who sit beside me screamed once becuz wern scream at her ear.. hahaha..
clement scream when thr is no one scream make all of us laugh lol!!!
hahaha...
wanna try another one next time?? clement??

went to dragon-i to have our lunch..
la mee~~ haha.. ok lol.. nt bad..
laugh alot oso.. especially zen n wern..
all guys are damn blur becuz we dunno wad they both laughing at..
sot sot de~~ hahaha
the onli pic of the day!!

tada~~~



like this so much~

well..
since wern have to go.. den we accompany her to wait for their parents..
then, its time for us to say goodbye to her becuz her parents reached.

went in again den gelato time! i cant eat becuz having stomachache suddenly.
gosh!!!!!
=( sad lol~
zen plan to go food court.. den we went down thr n sit n rest..
wei kit called n then he come n met me..
went to speedy.. n stadium.. inside is so damn cold..
bt someone feel cold.. so gv her my sweater lol..
haha.
i can walk together with u for so long lol..
a bit tired.. bt u r more tired than me~~ haha..
dunno wad to say anymore..
i dun want u to go home lol~
cuz i know i gonna miss u so badly after that.
haha..
bt u still have to go.. =)
watch u go up ur car.. den onli i go..
lalalalala~~ i miss someone while typing this! haha
gonna study now..
stress!!! haha. =)
go away.. SHoo SHoo!!

study!!! PA!! i m gonna beat ur S off!!
haha.. good luck to all my frens!!!
all the best for tomolo!!!
fight together!
yea!!!

-engleong-

失望，是你们给我感觉到的！！

一代不如一代。
这是学哥给我们的意见，给我们的评价。
你们是真的让它实践吗？
我真的很担心，我会找不回以前的感觉。

CLU is getting worse n worst!!!
i dunno how to say..
bt. is my problem or ur problems..
it is better if it is my problem becuz i know that i definitely will change myself no matter wad..
bt how about u all..
can u all please shut ur mouth n do ur work properly..
do not need to care about wad others said n think...
juz do ur own work.. nicely, perfectly.. tats all..
is that hard for u guys..
or u all dun wan to do it..

president post isnt that easy.
to organize a society well is hard..
becuz i m nt eng hong.. i m nt the one who organize 9 skul gathering, SS camp!!!
i m fucking stress u know..
i cant get any support from anyone of u..
becuz u all nvr think at my point of view..
i used to be a joker in VICLU..
n the days was freaking fun n enjoy!
what happening?? why all these happy moments gone juz becuz of the new batch coming in..
EMO, BACK STAB, CRY, HURT... the most popular n suitable word for all of us in VICLU 10/11

i dun wan to say anything in this so much..
ppl always say..
家丑不外传。
我就是要传。

我不知道是我变了，还是你们变了。
希望，永远存在。
但不希望它会转变成失望。

good luck to all 10/11 NEW CLU committee..
if u all really want CLU good.. n becum the best society in VI..
pls........
change all ur bad things.!!!
post mortem isnt conducted juz for fun...
remember wad i had told u all..

-engleong-

music blog~

well.. spent few days to think of my songs..
i mean.. each day one song..
haha.. kinda fun..
bt too bad that i m cannot play music instrument..
so i can only sing it out..
kinda shy to post it out although this is my own blog..
bt anyway, hope u guys like it..

i dunno y,
the melody in my mind sometimes is juz so familiar to some song that already created by others..
haha. mayb i m nt good enuf to compose my own song..
bt i will try my best to achieve the best..
hahaha..
thx to those frens who actually support me with ur heart..
thx alot.. n thx to those who actually gv me comment no matter good or bad..
these make me to improve myself in this..
gv me more comment..
i have to improve my chinese language too.. haha
well.. of cuz u all are nt the first one who listen to my song..!!! hahaha

frens always be the one who support u bt nt family members..
they always insult me no matter wad i do..
even i m juz singing other ppl songs, they will ask me to shut up n says i m noisy..
well? i juz do wadever i want without getting anyone's permission.
alot thing to blog today.. simply because i did nt blog for dunno how many days..
becuz of this MUSIC brain!!!
==..

back to my life~~
my life is interesting.. haha.
becuz i have someone who i need the most..
becuz i have someone who can hear me n share my happiness n sadness..
becuz i have someone who can cheer me up when i m down.
wad about my skul life?
i had juz done my MUET speaking test on last thursday~
unexpected results.. becuz i actually get the highest in my class..
woooot~~ doesnt mean i m good in english..
juz talk crap.~ haha.
n the teacher is kind..
i gt 30 over 45. is considered good gua~~
juz nvr look too high on this.. cuz my english is nt really good..
=P

wad about CLU~~
this year.. i cried twice becuz of CLU..
last time i used to be very fun n dun wanna go home when having meeting..
i even feel like quiting this society..
no fun, no cooperation..
onli argument between the AJK..
Backstabbers all around..
yucks!!!!
bt luckily n finally...
the feeling is back.. mayb we muz work together after getting scolded by the seniors..
then onli WE all will listen..
bt. let ppl scold very fun mie?? cant we juz do something without getting scolded by others..
i so KIND thats y i dun want to scold ppl la.. hahaha
perasan betul..
bt i think this is feeling is onli when together with the young one n some of the old one...
there are still some of them who dont really wanna join us in this..
we cant get all together in one like last time yet..
this still needs some time..
hope next year will be better..
n hope u all remmeber wad i said..
do not back stab! if u wanna talk about him/her.. talk in front of them..

recorded few videos in skul..funny video~~!!
hahaa..
some of them are in damalis phone..
n some of them are in wei inn phone..
waiting for them to upload..
cant stop laughing when watching that..

eh macha!!! sini orang mau jalan.. kau duduk kat sini buat apa~~!! hahahahahahaha

-engleong-

第三首歌- 远。离。爱 (远距离恋爱)

作词-陈泳甬
作曲-理由，还是一样。。
歌名-远。离。爱 (远距离恋爱)

看着你，
静静聆听你的呼吸
呼吸声里满了空气

想着你
你我之间分隔两地
在多么遥远的距离

爱情再转身
就让我勇敢的奔
走进了永远关闭的那扇门

远距离的恋爱
有多少个空白
独自站在露台 受着伤害
有无尽的对白

空地长满青苔
岁月都流白
以前的在想不开 全都放开
因为爱 你我再重来

听见你
心里面深深的烙印
让回忆随着风而去

问着你
埋藏在心底的秘密
一切都不让我看清

爱你有多深
不必再放声去问
让全世界知道我爱你有多深

远距离的恋爱
有多少个空白
独自站在露台 受着伤害
有无尽的对白

空地长满青苔
岁月都流白
以前的在想不开 全都放开
因为爱 你我再重来 oh!

远距离的恋爱
有多少个空白
独自站在露台 受着伤害
有无尽的对白

空地长满青苔
岁月都流白
以前的在想不开 全都放开
因为爱 你我再重来

就算远距离恋爱 受过伤害
因放开 爱情才存在

-end-

再你不需要的时候，自然会离开

我的心好疼
不知道为什么
看到了，只是那短短的一句留言。
看见了时间，只是在那一瞬间
或许，我并不是你需要的那一个
可怜的人，
形容得好贴切哦。
哈哈！

不禁想起以前队自己许过的承诺

我会以微笑来队待每一件事！

第二首歌-不够勇敢

作词:陈泳甬
作曲:都说了本人不会玩音乐嘛!
歌曲:不够勇敢

自己的看法-对不起，chorus 有点像我爱他。哈哈！！！ 本人的华文造诣也不是很好。

不够勇敢

爱情本来就不该是这样
因为, 每个人有不同的梦想.
直到想起了
自己生活模样
不想让生活过的放荡

如果结局让人觉得慌张
只因,没空间没有了方向
一直等待着
他想对我说的謊
才发现自己不够勇敢

我爱他跌入无穷无尽的山谷
只害怕爱他这个决定是错误
放不开的情 让它一一留住
走出不该停留的公路
我才领悟.

我不想再停留在这时刻
不让,你把我的心再割舍
心痛的想着
唱这悲伤情歌
只好收拾好自己的行李

看着他一步一步离开我远去
却不能一步一步慢慢地靠近
贴近你的心
体谅你的心情
告诉我你不曾放在心底
叫我死心
OH~~~

我爱他跌入无穷无尽的山谷
之害怕爱他这个决定是错误
放不开的情 让他一一留住
走出不该停留的公路

看着他一步一步离开我远去
却只能一步一步慢慢的靠近
在这瞬间里
与你的回忆
永远把它藏埋在心底
让自己 死心

只怪我自己不够勇敢
想你却心伤。

please do not laugh at me if the lyrics is bad or i sing like a toad..
this is juz onli for fun~~~~~~~